Black in Asia

How One Korean Girl Broke My Heart, Then Fixed It: Part II

Part II

Part I here on WesternGirlEasternBoy.Com

Well, she was just very hurt by her friends pain. Even more upset since her friend shook it off as a bad experience, and that ‘s life, but she takes it a step further and feels almost personal or nationalistic about it.

In her eyes, “how dare a black guy do something like that to us Korean girls”

I was determined to change her heart. And since, by some stroke of luck, she attended the same school as me, I concocted some ingenious plan that could either win her over, and break the hate, or I can end up in jail, then deported for harassment. That’s life, you can either succeed or end up in jail.

So the next time I saw her, she was with some of her Chinese friends, and I said to them, real loud, “do you remember me from the club?”

“I was the black guy who you told not to contact you because we can’t be friends”

Well, the next time she saw me in a cafe, she walked over and took my coke bottle, and threw it out…

WTF? It’s like that?

Okay.

After a week of this, she said “Daniel, why do you keep bothering me”

Me: “you remembered my name?”

So she left after I said that..

Ah ha!!!

I got you

And the next time my friends went out, they invited her too, so when I saw her, I of course started dancing near her.

“Gonna make you laugh no matter what! It’s a mission”

When she finally agreed to sit and chat, we got deep.

She was saying how she just can’t accept how black people are so mean, but in the process of harassing her and playing around all the time, I got a unconscious confession.

Me: “did it ever occur to you that I was just a guy every time I bothered you? Or did you see it as a black guy being mean?”

And her initial shock showed that indeed, she overlooked the fact that I was black, and just began to see me as annoying person lol. Well, the lesser of two evils I suppose.

And after that night, we actually began to hangout, never romantically. To be honest, even though she opened up to me, I felt a little distanced for a while, I felt as though, now I am the new face for blacks. And I wasn’t ready to take that responsibility. I wasn’t mature enough, she was stunningly beautiful, smart, very internationally minded, but easily influenced and that worried me.

If I made a mistake, it would be back to square one. So to everyone around us, we dated, but to me and her, we were nothing more than good friends. I also noticed that she was like a leader of her pack. The type of girl who other girls want to be their unni. So winning her over, and melting her stereotypes would be succificent, this meant her friends would change as well.

We still keep in touch every so often, and amazingly enough not only her first friend has been with a black guy ever since, but she even has a lot of black female friends. She knows about my blog, and is one of the main promoters of it in Korea, she supports me a lot, despite not wanting me to show her picture.

Our biggest friendship moment, was when we were out with her Korean friends, and one of them said something slick, pretty slick because I didn’t even catch it, and she snapped on him. I’m not a guy who relies on a girl but damn that felt good, I really changed someone and opened their mind and heart.

So to everyone viewing this article, I encourage you to not cower to racism, but to rather tackle it head on, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve confronted the older generation in Asia, and because of that, I was able to join their badminton club lol, exclusive. Racism is a barrier, whats the point of a barrier if you can’t shatter it:

Or maybe I’m just destructive? You guys decide.

 

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16 replies »

  1. Haha, yeah very true indeed. But definitely there is a stigma,chow ever I see it changing and taking a different form if anything it’s no longer blacks beneath whites. But now it’s just all westerners in one category.

    All from the country “foreign” lol. I don’t know if it’s a step back, but what I have seen is more Koreans tend to place an emphasis on knowing where someone is from, which looks like progress in my opinion. You can’t change hundreds of years of isolation and and thinking in one or two decades. It took our country 5 decades and it’s still not ideal lol.

    And you watch more Korean dramas than the actors who star in them lol. You should write a script haha XD

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    • I wouldn’t say that Westerners are all in one category, and often, Western = White in Asia.

      Depending on where you are there is a certain hierarchy of foreigners with white on top and Black on bottom. The general hierarchy of non-Asian foreigners is
      1: Whites from America and Western Europe blonde/blue features
      2: Other Whites from America and Western Europe
      3: Whites from other places
      4: White-looking non-Blacks from English-speaking countries
      5: White-looking non-Blacks from elsewhere
      6: Latinos
      7: Middle Easterners
      8: Indians
      9: Blacks from America or the Islands
      10: Blacks from Africa and elsewhere

      There are a few exceptions and modifications depending on where in the country you are, like in Japan there are some clubs with ugly women where Black guys are on top, but in most venues, most schools, most places, and life in general, this is the hierarchy. It probably won’t change at all within our lifetimes. The life of most Black men in Asia is going to be joblessness and celibacy while watching white dudes get treated like gods. There are some exceptions, but overall, this is going to be how it works. Oh, and Black men should avoid contact with Whites in Asia at all times, they are indeed your enemies.

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      • #9: Includes English-speaking Black folks from Europe as well, sorry. Still pretty close to the bottom though, but being a non-African Black can at least get you off of the very bottom, I guess.

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    • Hi! So, I stumbled upon your blog by accident. I’m unsure of how this is possible, but the course of my thinking has changed drastically in the snap of two fingers. Cultural immersion became really important to me upon starting college (I’m a recent graduate). However, I only recently became interested in learning more about Eastern cultures through the introduction of k-pop into my life (embarassingly enough, this is really what happened (lol)). I’ve been very tentative about my desire to explore that region because of the generalized stigma against black people that’s associated with Asian countries. Your blog has reminded me of a value close to my heart (which it appears I’ve only been employing selectively), to love and explore across boundaries and borders, always. I have feared getting too up close and personal, or too attached (in other words), to the exploration of Asian countries because I feared never finding acceptance there. I understand now that this was very presumptuous, and perhaps a little immature of me–a form of “self segregation” as you stated :-). Thank you so much for your blog; I feel humbled. It’s brave and I want to be a part of the movement!

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      • Thank you Natalie, and I’m glad that this article, or blog in general was able to give you that kind of an effect^^
        The funny thing is being in Asia as a black person is like am up-hill battle that can be won, generally once you open your mouth and something nice comes out, I find that they instantly change their opinion of you. This is a general statement, of course, but each time I’m over there, it seems to get a little bit better. They are accepting as long as you’re respectful, and not something crazy or dangerous that they see on tv. Korea might be a different ball game from China, and I’m curious to find that out, that’s why I want to go there for my masters degree. And of course K-pop is cool too. I wish u much luck, go over there as much as possible, and don’t be a stranger^^.

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  2. Haha. Thank you. And you are completely correct. It was a fragile trust that any wrong-doing would have made it worse. But nowadays were very good friends. Thanks for coming over. And make sure to comeback often 🙂

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    • That’s a battle I think I’m willing to forge. I’ll be keeping up with your posts, and if you don’t mind, I would love to continue exchanging ideas and experiences (in the event that I do manage to make it to Asia). Thanks!

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  3. This! You sound like a level-headed, mature, young man (although you didn’t see yourself as that in your story, haha). I also like how you distanced yourself because the new trust you’ve built was pretty fragile, and any crack will have it tumbling down, making her more bitter than before. I came over from WGEB, you’re doing a fantastic job here! 🙂

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  4. We have to shatter the barriers, but they are there for the protection of those behind it. The rest of the world, especially the East, is not too open or fond of Black folks, and that won’t change anytime soon. If it had been a White guy that broke her friend’s heart, there would be no fuss. The white guy would probably just have a harem with all of those Korean girls.

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    • I have to disagree with you on many levels. First off, even if it is reality that black people have a bad image abroad, you should never accept that, that type of thinking doesn’t change anything. I also disagree with the “and that won’t change anytime soon” statement, because I have seen it changing rapidly, especially with the younger generation. For example, Just this year, South Korea hosted it’s first black history month celebration. In my eyes, this is progress. I have noticed most people of color who go abroad and have a bad experience close themselves off, and become jaded, but I hope you can re-open your mind. The world gets nowhere when people self-segregate.

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      • There was a similar comment on Part 1 on my blog about how if the guy had been white things would have been different. It’s an interesting point, but I disagree, as well. And wow, I had no idea Korea held a black history month celebration! 😀

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        • I highly disagree haha, to me, and my friend, they didn’t seem like the type of people that being white or black or even Hispanic mattered. But it was more so how dare anyone hurt her friend, and just that calling anyone black automatically makes it sound racist. But if it was a white guy I think it would have been worse, there are a lot more white guys than black guys walking around in Korea I’m sure haha. And yeah, I read online about the black history month celebration, it was historical indeed~ Get up on that Korea research! xD

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          • Well, we know that Koreans are not like Americans, but it’s so hard to get that across to other people of color!

            It’s just not a good idea to project American issues onto Koreans– or Asians, in fact. Racism has its own context, and it varies across countries and cultures…

            Anyway, I’m too busy watching Kdramas and Kmovies! >.<

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